How to be confident in life? Like really confident.
Not overly confident that it’s cocky. But to be genuinely yourself and confident with that.
Being confident as a child is so easy. We walk straight up to the kid in the sand pit and ask her to be your friend. We so easily speak up in show and tell, to inform everyone how your family got a puppy yesterday.
As an adult being confident in life is way harder. We worry what people think, how we will come across and we worry that we aren’t worthy of speaking up.
As a child we are untouched. We are yet to receive any blockages or to discover an ego. Everything that happens to us between when we are born until 8, forms who we become as an adult. Some even believe also what happens while we are in the womb make us who we are too.
Let me tell you a little story of when I was 7.
My best friend, who I thought was the only person that loved me and who I spent almost more time with than my parents – I watched pass away.
She was my Gran.
My whole world.
When you are 7, you’re naive about almost anything. But death – I understood clearly. She wasn’t well, she passed and I would never see her again.
Until 5 weeks ago, I have been terrified of death. Not just like scared of a spider climbing on you while you sleep. I was truly afraid. There were endless night mares. I would worry I was sick and dying my whole childhood. Being alone scared me in case I died alone. I went through phases of ‘F#%k it, I’ll die one day any way’, which lead me to do some really crazy things. Then it turned into being so scared of being away from my family in case I’d died without them. Yep it was debilitating. Anxiety attacks where I literally thought I was dying. Until 5 weeks ago, I did breath work for the first time. Little did I know that, that was going to come up. Holy crap breath work isn’t for the light-hearted – especially if you have a blockage sitting in the back of your mind (or what you think you’re trying to push away).
This blockage gave me the craziest confidence, as well as the complete reverse.
Since the breath work, I can’t even explain the neutral feeling I have in place of those previous feelings. I’m not sure if it’ll ever come back but for now I don’t have the same emotions which is quiet the relief.
At the end of the day, you never know what someone is going through and we’re all here for an amount of time that we aren’t sure of. It can be just taken away from you.
So from me to you reading this: confidence doesn’t happen over night, you have to work on it. Confidence can come and go too. Some days you feel amazing and on top of the world. Other days you just want to lay low and avoid humans. That’s alright. Life occurs in duality. Without those lows, how are you to know the highs?
You might ask, ‘how the heck where you confident through the last 21 years?’ ‘Where you faking it?’
Yes and no. While I was being that wild child of ‘fuck it I’ll die one day anyway’ – this was faking it – for sure. Who even was that version?
But mostly no, I wasn’t faking anything. I was just going through life learning and being myself (what ever version was present at the time). Accepting everything I was. During the whole saga of being scared of dying, it didn’t take up much space – it would just sit there in the back ground and occasionally something would trigger it.
This is one of the main reasons why I am so passionate about health, spirituality, healing our bodies and living our purpose. I’d like to live a long healthy and happy life as I wish for you too. I don’t do this out of fear of dying – I do it from a place of love. I love life and I want to help as many people as I can to live long healthy and happy lives. I want everyone to feel confident no matter what is happening in their life.
So here is how you’re going to have confidence in life (no matter what is happening)
Stop waiting for the promotion, for the scales to read a certain number (gain full body confidence), to have a partner, for people to like you or anything else you are waiting for to fall into place so THEN you can feel confident. Just try it now. Shoulders down and back, look forward. Take a nice deep breath in, release it slowly and BOOM, hold onto that feeling. You can have it when ever you want.
DO WHAT YOU LOVE
Doing what you love and what you’re passionate about makes feeling confident easier. If you aren’t already doing that – it’s alright, take small steps in that direction. Little baby mini steps. Break down that big hairy audacious goal into bite size protein balls. When you’re passionate about what you’re doing, you’ll just ooze confidence.
LOOK AFTER YOURSELF
Start actually taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is an act of self love and when you really feel like you love yourself it helps you feel confident. Start eating well, sleeping well, stressing less, drinking less alcohol and exercising regularly. No more “I’ll start on Monday”. Honestly, just start now. Go for a stroll. Go to the shops and buy some fruit and veg. Do something right now to take care of yourself. If you’re reading this when you should be asleep – put your damn phone down and get some sleep! We really need to stop pulling the piss out of our bodies if we want to really feel good and confident in our own skin. Don’t eat something deep fried and expect to feel good. Don’t sit on the couch all week and wonder why you feel tired. Please look after yourself. If you need help, you know where I am.
DON’T FORCE ANYTHING
Stop forcing friendships and relationships, working that job you hate and getting drunk when you actually just want to stay home. Put an end to positioning yourself into situations that you think you should be doing. When I stopped doing this – it took the pressure off to ‘pretend’ to be happy when I was doing things I didn’t actually want to do. Doing something you hate while feeling confident is impossible. Try scrubbing someone’s toilet while feeling confident (to all the cleaners out there, I am grateful that it’s your purpose) for me I just hated it. We all have something we are good at – so do that. If you aren’t sure, ask a close friend or your parents because they will tell you. Whether it’s that you’re good at speaking to people or you always make things with your hands or you have a great imagination – use it to your advantage.
When you smile you can’t help but feel good and confident. Give it a go – right now. Curl the edges of your lips up. Does it feel silly? Good, then I guess you’re smiling. I like that.
My only wish is that, once you have read this you are feeling proactive to feel a little bit more confident. I hope that you have at least one action step that you are going to pursue and put into place. If you need extra encouragement – please do reach out. That is what I am here for.
Leave a comment below what you’re going to do? I can keep you accountable!
Love + Peace
Teags Lee x