Finding peace in your own company…
This will either make you cringe or you probably don’t need to read this because you’re actually quite content in your own company.
Now until recently, maybe the last couple of months I have been a little bit uncomfortable being alone. I would sometimes think oh if everyone else is hanging out with their big group, well I want that. Everyone else has a partner, I want one. It was all a lack mentality.
But the funny thing is, when I would hang out with a group, all I would think about is when can I leave so I can spend time alone. It’s almost laughable hey. Isn’t that the most backwards thing you’ve ever read? Or are you thinking ‘holy crap I’m not alone’. Because you think the same thing?
Well don’t worry I am with you all the way.
Now don’t get me wrong, I do LOVE socialising. I love spending time with good friends, I love hanging out in a big group. I really do.
But I am very aware of how I need to recharge my batteries by being alone. This is a trait of being an introvert. We recharge alone. Extroverts recharge with spending time with other people.
Over the last couple of months I made a move to a very small town in the south coast of Western Australia and the whole move was just a little difficult. If you know me, you know that I move a lot. Maybe 15 times in the last 9 years. Wow I literally just quickly counted out the houses I lived in since leaving Timboon in 2011. That’s crazy. So moving is usually a bit of a breeze. I mean it isn’t something I would do every day but I don’t hold on to a lot of things so I just pack Dolly up and drive away.
But this move which was only 20kms or so up the road, but I didn’t have anyone to help me. So it was hard and I seem to have accumulated a few things in the year or so it seems. I think it’s just because I didn’t have any of my family to help. Usually mum and dad help or my little sister who helped me move my furniture this time last year. A spare pair of hands goes very far when moving alone. So I spent the whole day shifting all my things and yea it was just hard work. I spent the night alone, well with Ziggy and was just pondering the thought of whether I had done the right thing.
The next day I ended up driving 1.5 hours to pick my friend up who didn’t have his licence who was able to come help. So we did of a bit of a house shop and he helped build my bed and a couple of other pieces of furniture. Thank gosh because otherwise I probably would have just stayed sleeping with my mattress on the ground which to be completely honest made me re-think if I even wanted my bed frame because being on the ground was really cosy and I felt closer to the earth. (crazy, I know). Or I would have just cried the whole time trying not to put holes in the wall while trying to put together my bed. That is most definitely a two person job.
So then the next day I drove my friend back. It was a mission. I had already driven 750kms home from site and driving any more than 20 minutes on break is just the last thing I want to do. My hips hurt, my lower back aches and my thighs throb. If you do lots of kms for work, you’ll understand.
From the moment when I arrived home from work and realising I had to move house alone and during the whole time my friend was here helping me, all I could think about was how alone I was. I am single and have been for kind of a long time and I have made friends here but they all basically work normal jobs so they were not able to help and honestly they all have busy personal lives too.
But this whole being single thing made me feel so alone. I needed someone strong to help, I needed company in the house and just the thought of ‘how have I been single this long’ made me think there was something wrong with me. Has anyone else thought this? For me this was a weird thought, because people know me as miss independent “I don’t need no man”. So I felt completely weird that I was even having these feelings. I was thinking back to past relationships and why I had ended them. I was so unsure why I wasn’t loveable. Was it because I didn’t love enough? Or really was this all just lessons to be learnt to grow as a being and the universe had something bigger and better planned for me?
So I spent the last couple of breaks trying to keep myself ‘busy’. Filling it with seeing people, driving here there and everywhere & just booking myself out the the minute and mostly late for everything. I pondered the thoughts of how the heck I was single. Thinking every moment ‘what was wrong with me’, thinking ‘why couldn’t someone love me’. Wondering why I don’t feel good with spending time alone. Thinking where the heck these thoughts had come from. I had to dig deep and get comfortable with being alone again.
I would look through my socials and see everyone being social. I would scroll past couples, relationships, people buying houses, people having babies or their second baby. I would feel jealousy and seriously alone. Such a weird vibe for me. I usually only ever feel jealousy when someone is on a holiday (haha serious itchy feet syndrome) and I never feel alone. So I was really thinking, I have got to sort this.
So this is my third break in the house and finally I feel at peace. Finally I am feeling at peace again with being in my own company. Just me and Zig. No jealousy, not feeling alone and no comparison.
I don’t have to play music to feel like I’m not alone.
I don’t have to invite someone over every day to feel like I am not alone.
I don’t have to schedule in my whole day.
If I want to relax I can.
I can feel amazing in the house alone.
Usually I couldn’t relate to those people who didn’t like to be alone. Now I understand the feeling.
So here is what I have done to ensure that I feel good again in my own company. Like feel really good. Like content & peaceful. Actual bliss.
Realise it is nice to spend time alone. Spending time alone doesn’t mean you are a loner. It doesn’t mean you don’t have friends. It doesn’t mean you aren’t cool.
Block/Unfollow people that don’t make you feel good about yourself. Remove people that don’t bring you joy. Don’t feel bad about deleting them. If they don’t add any value to your scroll, delete.
Eat well. We all know that when we aren’t eating well, we don’t feel well. Make your nutrition your priority.
Sleep better. You know I am a sleep nazi. Get your 7-9 hours. full stop.
Move your body. Whether it’s a gentle walk, crossfit, weights, pilates, yoga a surf or a jog. Get outside and get some fresh air or just get your endorphins flowing.
Add value to what you have. Change from lack mentality to abundance mentality. Add value to the things that you do have and the relationships you do have.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Your only competition is yourself and bettering him/her every day. Who cares what others are doing. Just do what makes you happy.
Relax your schedule. If you are in fifo, we know that we have ‘limited’ time when we are home to do everything that we want to do. Definitely plan in the non negotiable items. But the rest just chill boots. This way you’ll have a relaxing break and feel good going back to work.
Do the things you love to do. Spend time in what makes you grow, what makes you happy and what lights you up. Ask your self, what makes me happiest?
Change your vocabulary. Saying the words I feel lonely only attracts more of the feeling. Change the words to I feel at peace in this house. I feel happy and at peace.
Energy attracts energy. Be the energy you want to be surrounded by.
We are all beings in a human body having this human experience make it your own and make it worth being part of.
Let me know if you resonate. Let me know if you’re on the path. I’d love to hear how your experience is going?