Have you ever wondered why you’re so judgmental? Or have you ever wondered why others are so judgmental and you just don’t know how to deal with it? Don’t worry, so have I and this is what I have come to.
Remember when you told someone older (or just wiser) about a situation at school, work or at the football where a person had judged you and made you feel absolutely horrible? And the response of this older person was, “don’t worry love, it’s a reflection of them, nothing even to do with you”.
I bet that either really got you thinking or you just continued to feel horrible and then probably ended up mad for them being so harsh and not understanding the whole situation.
Well this older/wiser being was correct.
Let me explain this for you.
Jealousy is a wild conception and the ego that can be created is an even crazier notion.
Everything you know right now is something that was taught to you by someone else. Now, depending who you surround yourself with, who brought you up and what you fill your day with, will depend on what you know, how you react and judge. We become the average of the five people that we surround our self with. If you spend time with five people that lack self confidence, provide themselves no self love and aren’t happy with in themselves – you’re going to be roughly the same. On the other hand – if you spend time with five individuals that love their life, provide themselves with ample amounts of self love and are confident with in their self – you’re going to be roughly the same.
See where this is going?
When we grow up watching people be judgmental, we do the same without knowing and understanding that in fact, it’s not nice (for yourself or for that person). Being judgmental says more about yourself than the other.
So when people are being judgmental – it has nothing to do with you and all to do with them and what they currently know.
How to deal with someone being judgmental towards you
There are a couple of ways to deal with this:
1. Simply let it be – they’ll learn in their own time. Let go of the feelings it created in you.
2. Approach the situation and explain how it’s made you feel.
If it’s someone close to you, you could either approach it or just let it be – they will learn in their own time. I’m not one to create conflict, so I’d just rather let it be. Also, this is still something I have to work on when things arise. But I just keep remembering – we can’t let others opinion decide how we feel about ourselves – that doesn’t make sense at all does it? We get to be who we want to be – so be a nice person.
Why do people judge?
There are endless amounts of reasons but I believe it ultimately comes down to self confidence and self love.
If your friend (or yourself) judges what another girl/guy is wearing – it’s jealousy or it’s lack of self confidence. Maybe you want to wear something like that or maybe she/he looks absolutely bangin’ and that makes you feel bad for yourself. Don’t let that lack of self confidence come in – you are a beautiful being (tell yourself this more).
If you hear someone judge what another does for a career – it’s egotistical thinking, that they are above them. But we are all equal, we all breath the same air. No one is above anyone and no one is below anyone.
When people don’t want to drink (alcohol), I witness others making that person feel bad. But it comes down to their self confidence and needing a drink to have ‘fun’ or to block out/numb what their current life feels like. Some people also truly believe it’s ‘cool’ to drink. That’s their current knowledge, they don’t know any better.
If you hear your friends say ‘oh what a skinny bitch’ as they see someone run past you. That is purely a reflection of their lack of self confidence, determination and motivation.
When people at work are having a gossip session about other co-workers, it’s a reflection of them and their work ethic, or jealousy, or they’re just honestly caught in amongst it all. They are surrounded by people that do this – so they become the average.
How to stop being judgmental?
Firstly, forgive yourself.
Until now, you knew no better and that is completely ok.
Don’t get me wrong, little judgmental thoughts still pop into my head but I just dig deep and ask where that thought come from – what is: self confidence, self love, jealousy or ego? I ask myself this and then address it to be able to move through it.
Each time these thoughts come into your head (or out loud – hello word vomit), remember to be kind, be loving and stop judging out of the pure fact that it’s what you’re surrounded with. Lead the pack. Spread love like you spread vegemite on your toast (that’s me assuming everyone loves Vegemite as much as I do – by the tablespoon).
Don’t let your ego pop in. Be humble. Remind yourself that we all breath the same air. Ego is created from following the trends and what society thinks we should all do. Just do what you want and let others do what they want. If you aren’t happy in your life and in your body – change it.
Give yourself lots of love + practice self love every day. Practice being grateful for everything you have: your body, your strong legs, your beautiful eyes, your career, your car, your entire life. Love everything about your self – be confident. No one is going to be confident for you – so you have to step up and take the podium. Loving yourself doesn’t mean being a snob, it’s accepting yourself for everything you are. This way you can do the same for others.
Dig deep – where did those judgmental thoughts come from? Ask yourself “why am I judging that co-worker”, “why am I judging what they do or don’t do”. Dig deep and be honest with yourself. Move through it. Choose love, not ego or jealousy.
Being able to create more thoughts through love will bring us all a sense of self love and self confidence and at the end of the day it’s what humans crave – spread it like you spread vegemite (or what ever you spread thick on your toast).
Love & Peace
Love Teags xx